Oct 19, 2025: a candid truth
Happy Sunday, happiness crusaders! 💖
The main premise of What Makes Me Happy is to be transparent in my own trials and tribulations, share honesty about my healing journey, and most recently how I thank God every day for seeing me as a life worth saving and having. Last week, I had (what’s supposed to be an annual) PET scan for my battle against cancer. It revealed that after ten years… I’m still cancer free. Thank God. I’ll confess something I’ve never admitted publicly on any public forum. Since starting my battle against cancer, I’ve been using cannabis…. for ten years.
Moving to FL allowed me to “pull my cancer card” to obtain my medical marijuana license. From then, my usage became a lot worse. My father passed. I leaned too heavily in relationships that only brought me further from God. It always cost me my financial security and because of it, I lost my job in FL. What I didn’t know then (and do know now) that it was all a cry for help. I believed that consuming cannabis would alleviate me from all my pain and suffering. It would mask over my depression and anxiety. It would make me numb to any and all feeling about anything. There was a lot I refused to face sober. I haven’t really been able to process the passing of my father. I haven’t really been able to handle the antics with the rest of my biological family and I. I got too cocky and thought I really could handle it myself. I was wrong.
I made a personal goal with myself to be cannabis free by the time I turn 35 (I’m currently 32). I started with my strongest habit and have thankfully stopped and disposed of all of that paraphernalia. I’ve retired smoking flowered cannabis and rid of that paraphernalia. I continued with vapes until I moved back to GA. Knowing where I was going and the path I was going to start walking, I knew that vaping in my current environment wouldn’t serve me. It won’t serve me any purpose in where I’m wanting to go in life. Honestly, the things we do when we’re 22 aren’t as cool as they are when you’re 32. Today, I celebrate three days sober from cannabis. I can’t lie, there are some moments of struggle and the irritabilities can be strong.
Today, I give it all to God. My addiction to cannabis. My worry about things with my family will ever be okay. My grief over the passing of my father. My stress over being a good parent. It’s all in God’s hands today… and I can’t express enough gratitude.
The sermon at church this morning started a new series called “Life is a Rodeo: Anxiety, Addictions, and Shame”…. And dang, did that hit my metaphorical nail on the head. It was everything I needed to hear. None of us are meant to “white knuckle” life. Win the war in your mind before even thinking about starting to win the war right in front of you. Fear shakes but faith stands firm.
Which brings today’s Bible verse:
“When you go out to fight your enemies and you face horses and chariots and an army greater than your own, do not be afraid. The Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, is with you.” - Deuteronomy 20:1
Until next week, here’s three things today that make me happy:
Wind chimes, tiled mosaics, and my loved ones being safe.
Celebrate what makes you happy always,
Jenna/Starshine ✨
